Undefined Destination.

Life is a journey marked with the highest mountaintops and lowest valleys, winding roads, steep hills and slippery slopes. But what must be kept in mind at every step is to ‘define‘ the destination. Destination, if not defined, makes a journey proceeding towards nowhere. Setting the direction of journey helps it in becoming ‘fruitful‘.

So, by this topic, I want everyone of you to come up with three answers:

* What’s your say about significance of ‘defined’ destinations in our life? What difference, in your view point, can make in one’s life and in one’s journey?

* What do you think of ‘destination‘ of Pakistani nation? Is it defined or is it not? In either ways, what’s the reason behind your conclusion?

* Have you ever tried figuring out destination of YOUR journey? What hurdles did or do you face in this effort?

Once our destination is ‘defined’, then we may not change the direction of the wind, but we ALWAYS can adjust ‘our’ very own sails to reach our destination.

Awaiting your replies,
Hira Zainab.

Deciding turn…

In this stillness born, here I get engaged with my endeavor to gather my energies to get back to some personal note. I fear to be not succeeded in reviving my ‘bonga pan’ :) But I can atleast strive to share…

I was asked to discuss my activities these days. Something which I’ve trying to do so in past two months. Helpless though I stood in matter of sharing. I assume that it would be a bit early to conclude about the ‘impact’ of past two months on my life. And I would rather prefer to discuss the influence they left on my life, when I’ll be able to turn the pages of my life. Not only many relations entered my life in this little spam, but also revival of many realizations and tasks took place.

On top of all significant happening lies the sensation of passion I sensed yet again during this previous spam. Passion indeed is an energy. And in past some time, I not only felt the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. The strength which nourishes you inside even if your health or routine doesn’t allow you to do so. And my passion is revived by my entry in Tamasha. First event which will be conducted by a society called “Jaago”.

I’ve written introductions of Tamasha at various places, explained it in front of many people. But now when I am supposed to describe its imprint on my life, then I’m speechless. I really am.
I entered Tamasha team as an event head of essay competition. I was last person to enter it. From most junior batch lol:) Unforgettable meeting that was with Haidar Bhaiyya :) He took sort of an interview of mine to see whether I complement with Tamasha’s theme or not :P And on entering it, when the fire of passion started revolving around my life, then I just couldn’t hold myself back. From my daily conversations with fellows/friends to documentation of whole event, from my calls to companies to meetings with other members, everything in my life seemed to be in realms of Tamasha.
But when website was launched, I was mentioned there as Director of all events. It was as surprising for me as anything could be. Since I didn’t consider myself appropriate for it. But just being under this ‘tag’ made me unravel much more in this journey. Which I’d be sharing some time later :)

Anyhow, here’s final version of our website : Tamasha-Jaagoo. If life, time and situations would permit me, then I’ll be sharing many things related to our whole event :) And since I’ve not given any proper introduction of it, so you can read introductions in ‘About’ section in this website:P

Back to where I was. In past some days relation of ‘mother’ has been very significant in my life. Be it in form of comforting shade under the lap of Mama or in emotional boasts-ups and warm shoulder of Dedi :) Words will NEVER be enough to describe the worth possessed by presence of both of you :)

The clock is ticking last moments of this day. This reminds me of last night :O Has anyone of you ever sensed the ecstasy of being in ‘rainy’ full moon night ? I sensed it last night for the third time *innocent smiley* And just being under the clouded-full moon and shower of nature makes me mad… mad enough to get new energies induced in me :)

Time is passing gradually. The awareness of passage of each and every moment brought by ticking of clock is throwing me in desert of reminiscences. A movie that begins to sway in front of curtains of my vision. Special days remain special, no matter WHAT! Each and every second is grabbing me to moments of last year. Same time, same place, but ‘opposite’ situations; different dreams, different emotions. And most significantly, different me :) It seems strange to suffer the elevation of life on scale of 180 degrees. How many of you have suffered it?:)
Tomorrow’s day would perhaps be no different to many of you. But for me, it perhaps will be. For I’ll spend moments of 7th Aug,2008 BUT by ‘living’ in 7th Aug,2009.

Fire cracks in the street bring me back to 2009 and am reminded of Shab-e-Baraat. A night of decisions. And once again, am amazed at ’synchronization’. It always happens in my life. The moments which once made me stand on deciding edge have tonight brought everyone in field. Every fate would be decided by the Fate-Writer. And am stuck in amalgam of my thoughts. I was fully prepared for my ‘deciding turn’, yet my life handled by my Creator took me to the other ‘unexpected’ turn. How many of you are prepared to be on ‘deciding turn’ tonight?!:)

Errr.. Special thanks to BMK for pushing me to share my routine and daily life activities at Bongi Khana.

Eternal Quest..

They say that the eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness, But then what pinches me the most is a question that what loneliness actually is? Is it actually a terror? Or a source of making someone vulnerable? Is it a medium for invoking creativity? Or just a deep yearning… a powerful one for union with one’s lost self? Are dying hopes really immortal fears?!

Keeping my experiences in mind, there’s no doubt in this fact that what makes loneliness an anguish is not that one has no one to share his burden, but this that he has ONLY his own burden to bear. And what if he’s even ‘told’ about being burden for others as well :) What feelings can that realization induce? Lolz. :)

It’s said that the end comes when we no longer talk with ourselves. It is the end of genuine thinking and the beginning of the final loneliness. The remarkable and most amazing thing is that the cessation of the inner dialogue marks also the end of our concern with the world around us. It is as if we noted the world and think about it only when we have to report it to ourselves lol. Perhaps my end has begin to come. Nevermind.

Anyhow, back to our ‘eternal quest’… Indeed the longest journey of any person is the journey inward. For the one who has chosen his destiny, he has started upon his quest for the source of his being. Our demons are, somehow, our very own limitations which shut us off from the realization of the ubiquity of the spirit… and it’s believed that EACH of these demons is conquered in a vision quest.

Most people have come to prefer certain of life’s experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. -Rachel Naomi Remen

So, where does your quest revolve? What’s the centre point of YOUR eternal quest? :)

PS: If anyone has got answers of all or even some questions mentioned in my post, then it’s a kind request that do honour me by sharing your answers along with views.

Back..

Err err err :)

Yeah .. finally I am! :) What else to say?!

I know it’s been 50 days now (: And honestly speaking, at this stage, I dunno what to say. I dunno how to explain that why did i disappear? I dunno how to confess the reasons behind my silence. I dunno how to describe the walls of iron curtain and reticence. I dunno that why did the walls of quiescence inside me became so high that i simply got unable to peek through no one else but myself. Or may be it was my own strong desire of being stifle and choke off which made those walls seem so high.

But whatever it was, I am back now :) And I actually SO strongly feel the need of mentioning few names, which became the ‘real’ source. I feel a real sense of gratitude, special concern and what not for Umeed aapi (AD) , Absar, Kalki and Narendra Sinha for asking about my absence.

While enlisting everything, a voice echoes in my soul… A voice saying that my silence shatters something in her halos of mind. A voice of someone whose shattering I can’t afford (: I would try to come over my silence Dedi :) I wouldn’t have been able to fight with it without your words, like always :)

A heartiest thanks to all those who’ve been continuously checking my blog :)
Mo , your blog won’t miss me anymore :P *huggie*

Lets hope that I’ll overcome the balustrade caused by my demons, and end up being triumphant in the conduit of self-exploration.. (:

Not to forget, that I really need your prayers this time. For ‘everything’ in my life. Only they can do miracles. And i certainly need to have miracles in my life.

Be blessed everyone, wherever you remain. :)

Reminiscences.. Strength or Weekness?

My post is for someone whom I don’t want to see getting faded with the strong strokes of pain caused by ‘recalling memories’.. And for everyone who gets in state of bewilderment by travelling in past routes of life and ones who get haunted by old memories of those who’ve have been special to them sometime, somewhere in life..

Relation.. This apparently simple-looking makes me aware of a lot many moods and conditions in my life. Where I get stuck at solving its never revealed mysteries, I also get surrounded by a strong layer of ecstasy.. Ecstasy which makes me forget everything else, and makes me sense the power of love in my bonds.. (Be they of family,closed ones, siblings or friends). Where this overwhelming of emotions helps me cherish the strength of my linkages, at the same time it places me in desert of fears.. (We’ll be discussing fears at some other time though..!!) But the top one of them ‘now’ has always been a fear of getting this relation ended at a worst turn at any step of life in future.

NO relation is permanent. We all can never deny it.. Can we?! The only relation which has proved its durability always is the relation with relation-Creator i.e Allah Almighty. The way which leads to Omnipresent has no ‘end’ provided the direction is true. But when I fear the ‘type‘ of end of a relation, then it’s because it’s only this kind which can either make us refresh the relation always or can even make high notes painful. It ‘apparently’ possesses the strength to decide the fate of ‘impact’ which a relation leaves on our life.

I close my eyes for a while and while being engulfed by the darkness (not in sense of ‘vision’ obviously) , I realize the power of ‘memories’ on our life. Reminiscences flood in, seeing anything from the Earth to the skies..Swelling hearts and brimming tears indicate the Parting of the Ways; Embittered souls curse unforgiving, unceasing time that flies. And I find someone inside me screaming to have an answer of a question.. A question which says that “Will these young (This youth has to do with ecstasy brought by power of love) hearts ever re-live their memorable days?”

Though mostly I don’t get this answer. But life did make me realize few more answers. On top, lies the realization that we may not decide or do anything (yes, sometimes we really get unable to do something. Poor helpless souls! Aren’t we?? Lol) about the ‘kind’ which a relation opts while being go out of our life (not from our hearts though!) .. But YES!! We definitely can do about WHAT kind of impact will that be going to leave on our lives.. We can do about the effect caused by ‘worst ends’ on our behaviours.. Strange!! Isn’t it?!

Although you may not appear to have the strength to bear the pain caused by haunting demons of memories, do not claim its possession is beyond you. Rather, rejoice in the knowledge that these memories are linked to YOU. They make you what you ARE now!! Do this and you will produce an emotional response which is necessary for seedtime.

Revival of reminiscences becomes source of breakage inside and weakness when there’s disappointment; leading us to a blind alley. It appears to be a bitter pill when our FAITH shatters.. faith in ourselves, our relation, our love, purity of our intentions and most significantly, faith in Almighty.

Have you ever tried burying the pinching memories and digging out the refreshing ones while recalling reminiscenses?? Have you ever put an effort to only remember the good times and forgive/let go/forget the bad ones just for the sake of love you have for that relation? I repeat “Letting go has NEVER been an easy job, I know it isn’t.. but holding on can be as difficult, (trust me it does get at times) for strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go”. But after letting go, have you ever learned from the experience and lesson that ‘end’ supposed to convey?! Have you ever tried being thankful to the person for making you what you are today, without his support (be that in high notes or low notes, depends on your learning procedure in life) you couldn’t have been the same.. And have you ever tried realizing that your being same can be because of many reasons, reasons which Allah wants YOU to figure out in order to meet the demands of your existence. Have you?!!!

Try doing it for once at least.. And you’ll know how much pain does it release to think that these relations and their memories, no matter WHAT, are your strengths NOT weaknesses :) There are some things in life that don’t go the way you want them to or the way you think they should, but you can’t dwell on these because you’ll miss out on other opportunites. Don’t give up one something just because you don’t think things will work, you won’t know unless you give it a try. But don’t hold onto something that left a long time ago, because sooner or later you’ll realize some things just are NOT meant to be…

Cheer up.. for ALLAH sends relations in your life for some purpose (: Don’t let that purpose decided by ‘Almighty’ fade away because of ‘human’ behaviours. May Allah be guider and helper of everyone of us in all we do, Ameen (:

PS : I know I’m being absent from blog for a long time. I had to come up with details of everything, from my mood to my passions.. But guess everything has an appropriate time to be said (: Will be telling in detail about my present happenings in upcoming posts, inshALLAH.

Overcoming Chaos..

My this post is NOT written by me (: But it’s something which always uplifts my spirit.
And am adding it for all those who’re distracted from their paths in realm of chaos.. Cuz I don’t want to see them all depressed!(:

A time comes in your life when you finally get it… When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out – ENOUGH!

Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes. This is your awakening. You realize that it’s time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella and that in the real world there aren’t always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of “happily ever after” must begin with you and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are… and that’s OK. (They are entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself and in the process a sense of new found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn’t do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected. You learn that people don’t always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and that it’s not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties and in the process a sense of peace & contentment is born of forgiveness. You realize that much of the way you view yourself, and the world around you, is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche. And you begin to sift through all the crap you’ve been fed about how you should behave, how you should look and how much you should weigh what you should wear and where you should shop and what you should drive how and where you should live and what you should do for a living, who you should sleep with, who you should marry and what you should expect of a marriage, the importance of having and raising children or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are, what you really stand for. You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you’ve outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with and in the process you learn to go with your instincts. You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a “consumer” looking for your next fix. You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that just as people grow and change so it is with love…. and you learn that you don’t have the right to demand love on your terms… just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely…

Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart’s desire. You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you take a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you CAN!!.

Especially dedicated to Seemi (:
Also not to forget Umeed aapi(AD)

Fogged Identity..

Fogged Identity… This term entered the world of my nick-names when it clicked my mind during the creation of an MSN id two years ago. At that time, unaware of its hidden mysteries, I only thought it to representative of condition in those days. Representative of a state blurred by the competition of two extreme emotional verges. I was lying somewhere between the extreme phases, stuck by a ‘vague’ state so I named myself as a sufferer of ‘Fogged Identity’..

But now when I look at my current condition, I get to realize the ‘real’ meaning of ‘Fogged Identity’ completely. Unfolding the bends/folds of ‘Fogged Identity’ takes me to the world of ‘identity crisis’. Erikson defined ‘identity crisis’ as a time of intensive analysis and exploration of different ways of looking at oneself. He described identity as “A subjective sense as well as an observable quality of personal sameness and continuity, paired with some belief in the sameness and continuity of some shared world image. As a quality of unself-conscious living, this can be gloriously obvious in a young person who has found himself as he has found his communality. In him we see emerge a unique unification of what is irreversibly given–that is, body type and temperament, giftedness and vulnerability, infantile models and acquired ideals–with the open choices provided in available roles, occupational possibilities, values offered, mentors met, friendships made, and first encounters.” (Erikson, 1970.)

I, somehow, find myself in state of bewilderment. For I find myself victim of all well-known famous four cases/statuses which can happen with one’s identity. From ‘Identity achievement’ to ‘Moratorium’ and from ‘Foreclosure’ to ‘Identity diffusion’, I feel myself engulfed by the strangest layer ever known.

Where the responsibilities of being a ‘Muslim Girl’ stir my heart, the responsibilities of an ‘escapist ruthless yet patriotic citizen’ start haunting me like demons. Where the failures in pathway of success mock at me, the ups and downs in a to-be ‘writer’s career’ make me a laughing stock..

Few lines are encircling my mind right now. On top lies a question that ‘Who am I?’ Maybe you’ve never even asked yourself this question. You might think you already know who you are. Unfortunately, however, it’s likely that you don’t know who you are at all. And if you don’t know your real identity, you’re in trouble. You’ll spend your life in a kind of dream state—you’ll falsely identify yourself as something or someone you aren’t. Then, on the basis of this false identification, you’ll determine the goals of your life and the purpose of your existence. You use these goals to gauge whether you are making “progress” in life, whether you are a “success.” And you are aided and abetted in this delusion by a complex network of relationships with other dreamers. Of course, at death (and sometimes before), the whole thing turns into a nightmare.

So knowing who you are is a very practical necessity. The question “Who am I?” is not a philosophical football meant to be kicked around coffeehouses by pseudo-intellectuals. It’s a real-life question. Nothing is more important and more relevant than to know who you are… So, ask yourself today that who are you. And do you really know ‘Who are you’?!

May Our Creator helps us identify who we are and let us serve the purpose for which we’re sent in this world and not get misguided and blinded by the stream of other distracting tasks.

Good luck to all of you for your self-exploration :))

Do I again need to remind the significance of your prayers in my life? Need them really truly badly!!