Defeat from my ownself..

Few days ago i had made a decision in my mind that it’s enough..I have been much angst-ridden throughout and made my beloveds fall into an unlimited desert of thoughts..I decided that it’s all over now and i better stop telling my acts to everyone around me and stop collecting artificial sympathies..I thought that atleast i should not be the reason for the tears in my belevod’s eyes and now it should finish..

But guess what? I got defeat from my ownself..All things happened so unintensionally and suddenly that i could not hold myself and finally let myself come down..

Due to my inner wars,i had much confusion in my mind for many things..Buhat se dar aur khiyalat apna sar utha rahe thay..Aur shayad apne chahnay waloon ko maine isee khauf ki bheent charha diya..

Am getting back to normal now..Can’t thank enough for such support from my belevods..

Loosing Our Identities..

Few days back..i had a long discussion with my class fellow on the same topic..She was of view that what is need of studying again and again this concept of two nation theory..blah blah

Aur buhat afsoos se mera yeh kehna hay ke sirf wohi nahi,main jiss no’javaan nasal ka hisa hoon..yahan buhat se talba issi baat per asraar karte hain key inn do qaumi nazriyat ka baar baar tazkara lanay ka kya faida jab aik dafa hum ne yeh mulk hasil kar liya..Jab humara maqsad poora ho gaya tow iss nazriye ko baar baar dohranay ka kya faida..Yeh tow haal hay humara ke hum abb apni shanakht ko bhi shak ki nazar se dekhnay lag gaye..Humain apni pehchaan per bhi shak hone lag gaya hay aur hum apne wajood ki dastaan se he uktaa gaye hain..Aaj jinn azaad fiza’oon main hum sans lay rahe hain iss ke zaray zaray main jo kahaniyaan poosheda hain unko manane se he inkaar kar diya hay..Apni azaadi ki dasstan ke munkar ban ke baray fakhar se hum kya phir bhi yeh kehlanay ka haq rakhte hain ke haan main bhi aik PAKISTANI hoon…Lolz…Kya hum uss Pakistan ka hisa thehraye jane ke kabil hain jo humare rehnum’aoon ne qurbaniyaan day day ke aur apna sab kuch daoo per laga ke hasil kiya tha..Kya hum uss mitti ka haq adaa kar rahe hain jiss ka zara zara humain shuha’daa ke nazranoon ke baray main bata raha hay?

Sir Syed Ahmed Khan ne kaha tha ke “Hakoomat riayah ki tabeyh hoti hay,riayah hakoomat ki nahin” Humaree hukoomat itnee daida daleri se yeh sab kuch nafiz kar rahee hay kyunke humaree riayah he ke nazriyaat badal gaye hai..Waqt ki lapait main aa ke hum sab apni shanakht khootay chalay jaa rahe hain..

Kaha jata hay ke no’javan kissi bhji mulk ka sarmaya hote hain kyunke wo uss mulk ke aanay wale mustaqbil ki tarjumani karte hain..Unke khiyalat uss mulk ke saath hone wale waqiyat ki akaasi karte hain..Yeh sab kuch janane aur dekhnay ke ba’ad hum kya Qaid ke Pakistan ko barqaraar rakh sakain gay…

Hamaray ‘Rehnuma’ nay bhi to kaha hai kay ‘Pakistan Studies kay syllabus main say woh SAB KUCH hata diya jaaye ga jo ghair muslimo’n kay khilaaf hai aur taas’sub phela raha hai’. Aur yeh bhi kay ‘Barr-e-Sagheer main muslamaano’n ki hinduo’n say alehdgi ki wajah mazhabi iqdaar main tazaad nahin bulkay ma’aashi masaail thay.’

I was reading a comment on this today key “Ham main say shayad kisi ko bhi pata nahi hoga kay hamara ‘rehnuma’ itna aala zarf aur itnay buland khayalaat ka maalik hai kay siray say Pakistan kay wajood main aanay ki taujeehat aur tareekh hi badalna chahta hai. Apnay iqtidaar ko bachanay kay liye mulki waqar ko hi daao par lagana chahta hai. Qaumain apni tareekh say seekhti hain, un par fakhar kartii hain aur ham apnay mulki tashakkhus aur wajah-e-wajood ko hi badalnay chalay hain. ”

..Naseem Hijazi ka kehna hay ke “Kissi bhi mulk ka maazi usska aa’ena hota hay jiss main vo dekh kar apne haal aur baaji ka mavajana kar sakain..aur yehi mavazana unko aagay barhane main madad deta hay” Aur hum tow khud he apni bunyadain khookhlee karne per tullay hoyee hain..Vo shajar phal kesay dey jiss ke tanay khizaan ki alamat ban rahe hoon….Aur yeh sab hone ke bavajood bhi abhi bhi humara manana sirf yehi rehta hay ke “NAYA hay daur PURANE charaagh GUL kar do”..

Haif sad haif..Agar hum apni pehchan ke peechay younhi paray rahe tow phir wo waqt door nahi jab hum saraseemgi ke aalam main aik la-hasil manzil ki janib qadam barhayen gay..

Lying Between Optimism and Passimism..

These days i am really getting mad due to fights between my positive thinking and passimistic approches..While moving ahead in life we really come to realise that life is not like what we really read or study in literature..Moral values which are taught to us in childhood are vanished in this world now and there’s noone who can really get you in your real life..

And by knowing all of above facts..It’s simply getting difficult for me to have that optomistic approch again..Afterall i myself HAVE to face the realities one day..I cant deny what’s really happening around me and i HAVE to move in my life by accepting them at all..

I have really got a belief now that farar is not always a solution..Kissi bhi cheez se mun chupa lenay se haqeeqat na he badalti na he humain humaree man chahee cheez mill jati hay..

At the same time i have got a firm belief that money does play a major role in our lives..I never knew that many pple around me are due to this money of my parents..But when this reality was revealed in front of my eyes..i was shocked and those who still think that money is not that much important..they better come out of their self made dream rather fairy land..

But at the end i can’t deny that positive thoughts are constantly approaching my mind (: They are trying to overcome the REALITIES ( so called passimism) of life.. And i am the one lying in between these two phase…

No place to go and no way to return…..Here am I..

Beyond Myself..

I had composed this poem about a month ago,i guess..I was passing from an era of my life when i simply didn’t know what to do and where to go!! I am still having such situation in my mind but it’s decreased now..and positive approaches are trying to overcome..So you can say that i am in between stages..

 

With empty feelings,empty thoughts,
And silence whispering in my heart
I linger towards my destiny.
I restrospect into my life,
And abstract ideas of past race my mind.
So randomly and swiftly they pass;
In my life i finally got all what i wanted,
But somethings left unfulfilled.
That haunt me and i depair my guilt.
Somethings I did I should not have done,
Somethings I did not which I should have done.
But altogether my reality is now lost,
And i stand here tired and exhaust.
No where to go and no place to return,
Standing barely on this boundless ground,
I try hard to hear a sound.
But no one speaks,no one appears,
As i feel down my cheek the tinkle of a tear,
My hands feel numb,
My mind feels dumb,
And stupified i stand,
With no supporting hand.
And thus,with empty feelings,empty thoughts,
I linger towards my destiny..