Azaab-e-Sha’oor..

I had written this afsana/story almost 1.5-2 years ago. Was sixteen years old back then!*innocent smiley*.. And it has been my first and only story/afsana till now:P

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Khiyaloon ke bhanwar mein ulajhtay howe uss ne uchat’ti howe nazr apne gird-o-atraaf main daali. Javani ki sarshari aur dil-farebi main gum howe apnay ham-jam’aat ussay ajnabi se lagay.. Apna aap unn se alag mehsoos karte he bay-zaari ne phir ussay charon taraf se ghair liya.. Bay-zari ba’az auqaat kissi sehra main bhatakte howe musafir ki manind kyun kar deti hai?

Uss ne goya apnay aap se daryaft kiya..

Yeh iss ka panchwan din tha apne naye college mein. Apni daidh (1.5) saala college life main yeh chotha (4th) college tha jo isski zindagi se mansoob ho chuka tha.. Ya shayad maazi ke sath (Uss ne ulajhte howe soocha!). Zindagi mein hone wale pay-dar-pay mazak ne ussay uss ki apni nigahoon main aik mazak bana ke rakh diya tha. Zindagi ki dorr mein bhagtay bhagtay abb wo thak chuki thee aur yeh thakan abb uss ki rooh ko tamam atraaf say apni lapait mein le chuki thee.. Raah-e-hayat ke kantoon se apnay daman ko bachate bachate shikastagi ussay apna nishana banane mein kamyaab ho chuki thee..

Apni saathi ki pukar ussay goya wapis uss mahol mein ghaseet laye. Magar aglay he lamhay khwab aur haqeeqat ka zindagi ke sath khel, aur unka har lehza aik dosre mein tabdeel hone ki sochain aik baar phir yalghaar ho chuki theen..

Khwaab aur haqeeqat ke safr ne hamesha he ussay uljha ke rakha hua tha. Yeh tayh karna uss ke liye hamesha se ik mushkil amr raha hai ke zindagi main hone wali soorat-e-haal khwaab ka hisa hai ya haqeeqat ka. Kabhi haqaiq se labraiz jhulasti dhoop uss ke wajood ko rakh ka dhair bana deti tow wo apni zindagi ko haqeeqaton ke mai’yaar per parakhne lagti magar chand he sa’atoon ke ba’ad jab uss ka damagh ulajh jata tow ussay apni faani zindagi ka aik aik lamha khwab per mushtamil lagta. Aur uss ki soochon ka mehwar apna roohani safr reh jata magar wahan bhi shaor-o-la’shaoor apni bay-naqaab haqeeqaton ke sath daman phailaye maujood thay..

Meray sath aakhir masla kia hai? Uss ne jhilla kar soocha. Apnay ird gird qehqahay lagati larkiyon per ussay rashk aaya. Wo kitni khush-qismat theen ke inn saraboon se qat’aa ta’aluq kar paati theen. Aur aik wo thee, uss ne apnay aap par tars khatay howe soocha, aik wo thi ke inn main se hotay howe bhi nahin thee.

Magar nahin.. kooshish tow uss ne bhi ki thee aur shayad apni iss sa’ayee mein kamyaab bhi ho gaye thee kay apni zaat ko wo sirf sab ke liye baes-e-tamaniyat aur baes-e-khushi bana lay..chahay apnay be-tukki baton se, ya phir zindagi ke baray mein gehray tajziye se, chahay apni muhabbat o ulfat se, ya khiyal o apnaiyat ko apni nass nass main samo kar jeewan ke mukhtalif peh’loon se parda utha kar… kooshish tow uss ne bhi ki thee apnay se jurray har banday ke labon per muskaan bakhairne ki. Apnay aap ko mazboot zahir kar ke uss ne har aik ki zindagi se kantay chunn lena chahay… Magar yeh aaj kia hua? Wo itna tanha kyun mehsoos kar rahi hai. . Ussay apnay aap se ajnabiyat kyun mehsoos ho rahi hai? Khud ko sambhalte sambhalte wo aik dum kesay bikhar gaye? Yeh aisay sawal thay jinn ke jawab beher haal ussay talash karne thay..

Ussay yak-dam apnay pooray badan mein dard ki lehar uthti mehsoos howe. Pichlay kuch arsay se uss ki tabiyat bilkul thek na thi. Ussay apni maa ki shafqat aur pareshani yaad aaye. Maa ka aks joonhi aankhon ke parday ke samnay lehraya, aik beti ke laboon per bay-jaan muskurahat aa gaye..

Beti.. Beti hone ka ehsaas aur bhi buhat si yadain taza karne ka sabab ban gaya..

Uss ki ham-jam’atoon ne yak-dam ‘qayamat‘ ko zer-e-behes bana lia. Unhone uss ki raye jan’na chahti magar wo jese khaali nigahoon ke sath haunqoon ki tarah unko dekhay gaye..

Lafz ‘qayamat’ ne uss ke andar halchal paida kar di thee… Yeh lafz uss ke asaab hathoray ki tarah patakh raha tha. Aandhi phir se uss ke wajood ko apni lapait main le chuki thee aur wo ye sochne per majboor ho gaye ke insaani paidaish bhi qayamat ka ik ishara hota hai.. aur uss ki sam’aat andar ki gonj se laraz uthi, wo gonj wo uss ki sansoon se paida howe iss sawal ke sath ke ‘uss’ qayamat se pehlay banda bashar ko ‘kitni’ qayamatoon ka samna karna parta hai..

Uss ke ham-jama’atoon ne jam’aat main barhti ghuttan ki shikayat shuru kar di thee.. A.C aaj halki halki khunki ke baes nahin chalaya gaya tha.. Aur abb khirkiyan kholne kay israar ne tamam larkiyon ki pukaar ka roop dhaar liya tha. Bairooni ghuttan ka shor machati inn larkiyon ko dekh kar wo ajeeb kashmakash ka shikaar thee. Unhoon ne tow apni ghuttan ka ilaaj khirkiyon ke patt khol ke kar liya magar kia kissi ke paas andarooni ghuttan ka ilaaj tha?

Andarooni ghuttan ka ilaaj aaj ussay sirf ibadat se mila tha.. Wo sarshari jo ‘abbd aur Malik‘ ke rishtay main hoti hai, ussay hamesha sakoon ki daulat se nihaal kar jati thee. Magar abb jab uss ka apna zehan, apnay dil aur apni zaat se ta’aluq main dararain paida ho gaye theen tow wo ibadat per bhi dheyan nahi de paa rahi thee.. Apni zaat ke gunjal kholne mein shayad ussay abhi mazeed waqt darkar tha. Apni manzil wazeh karne ke liye mazeed koshish karna ho gee.

Koshish.. wo be-basi se muskura di..

Koshish-e-la’hassil se jurri yadain, na’kaam sa’yee se wabista batain ussay apnay hisaar mein lapaitne lageen.

Uss ne apna sarr kursi ki pusht pe tikka ke ankhain moond leen..

Aur phir.. wo kahin aur thee!! Khana Kaba ke gird tawaf karte, roshniyon se munawar hote… wo haule se muskura di..WO jo sab ka Malik tha, sab ki niyatoon se waqif tha, Uss ne iss ko tanha kahan chora tha! (:

Khaliq-o-Baari Ta’alaa ne iss rait ke bezarar-o-be’wuquat zarray ko phir ‘gard‘ se alehda kar diya tha.. Aur wo iss per jitna shukar adda karti, kam tha:)

(Hira Zainab)
2nd Nov, 2007.

I never shared it before because I didn’t find it worth-sharing. But sharing it now because of few relations. For one, in order to show her my first random thoughts in ‘form’ of a story. And other, to share with him the theme behind it. That Almighty has always been there with His support for me:)

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23 Comments

  1. لگتاہے دس سال کی عمر سے ہی آپ نے ڈائجسٹ پڑھنے شروع کردیئے تھے۔۔۔
    :grin:
    اسی کا اثر ہوگا یہ۔۔۔
    اچھا ہوا آپ نے اس کے بعد کوئی افسانہ نہیں لکھا
    :mrgreen:

    • Ahemmm O.O

      Jeee :P Achha haina ke uss ke ba’ad tab’aa azmaye nahin ki maine.

      And btw, i am not reader of digests AT ALL :P Trust me. I personally don’t like reading them. I prefer to buy/have a complete novel from my selected writers.. Among digest writers, I’ve only read ‘Umera Ahmad’ and no one else:P

  2. i am glad you decided it is tyime to share :)

    bless you!

    • :)

  3. I’m gonna call you… and ask you to read it to me… AGAIN… =P
    i.e. of course if Miss. Hira Zainab picks up her phone X.X
    Hehe.

    • Ummm:)

  4. I don’t think that I’m in need to let you know about the amount of happiness I have found reading this piece of writing here. The day I asked you to dig it up didn’t entertain me with the hope that you won’t even listen to me only but would expose it too to tell the world that when, why and where did you take your first step for writing a short story. And you know well, I always feel glad to see you surviving with your risk-taking habits. The tendency I am deficient of.

    My intention of appreciating this work was not to pat-your-back only but to show you the influence a literary critic can take, possessing it in his mind that the person who has written this all can actually present her thoughts in another medium as well. How many of us can write in two languages simultaneously with the same influence, rhythm and flow? Most of us usually feel comfortable with the language that is easy to be clutched by us. But believe me, after Mustansir Hussain Taarar and very few like others, I have seen you having domination on two certainly different languages in the same influential way. I wonder howcome you can or any other one even thinks you to stop writing short stories? Had you been be on the familiar terms with Punjabi, Sindhi, Saraaieki or Hindku etc, you would have been doing miracles there like you did in Urdu and English. Have you ever come to get in touch with the literature of the languages mentioned above? If no, then go ahead and get some books of these regional languages. You would inevitably come to know what I am talking about. Innocence of age, sensitivity of heart, resistance against the society and its norms, love for God, philosophical theories of self detection, submission of ownself into His will and then an ultimate discovery of peace is no more different there in both prose and poetry and that is exactly can be found out in your this work, Zaini.

    One more thing, I would like to mention here. Reading digests is certainly not necessary to become a story writer. Do you think that Umera Ahmad, Faiza Iftikhaar, Farhat Ishtiaaq, Aamna Reyaaz, Samrah Bukhaari, Nighat Abdullah, Aneesa Saleem and other popular names of this field once used to get inspired with digest stories and then they stepped into this arena to become a story writer? No. Not even Jane Austen, Virginia Woolf, Emily Bronte, Ann Taylor and Stephenie Meyer did this to become the famous names of literature world. Fiction or reality can inspire you for a limited time span but having been impressed you can’t become a good fictional or reality writer unless until you have got the guts to be the one. You have naturally got an ability to turn the words in the way you get experiences and observations in daily life and that’s exactly what all of the names written above do. In the literary manner, story writing basically involves originality, compression, poetical or prosaic diction, production of a character, enlightenment of author’s own complexities and experiences, dialogues, a proper start and a satisfying end. Even the soliloquy (character’s talking with ownself) which was once considered as a pride of a drama or any prose writing is presented above. Now what else one can ask from a writer who wrote this in her days of immaturity and mind dispersion?

    Afterall, it’s recommended to you taking the first step, and your mind will mobilize all its forces to your aid. But the first essential is that you begin. Once the battle is startled, all that is within and without you will come to your assistance.

    Anyhow, till now you may have got what is actually hidden in the story I wrote above. I needn’t further :)

    Keep on writing in the way you do.

    Prayers and love~

  5. behad umda tarike se aur sanjidagi se pesh kiya hai aapne…..

    waise hamein itni acchi urdu nahi aati….par aake afsanay k jazbaat waakai kaabil-e-tarif hain….jinhone mujh jaise ko bhi urdu mein likhne k liye badhaava diya.

    I know i must be wrong in various places when i am writing in ma so called urdu….but kudos to u my friend for such a b’ful usage of words. Frankly speaking i am highly impressed by you….if u can write it at this age then i can very well say that we are having a J.K. Rowling & Mahashweta Devi in the making….

    There’s a saying in Hindi which says “Jahaan na pahonche Ravi wahaan pahonche Kavi” which means dat a “Poet/writer has the power to reach those places too where even sun can’t reach”
    and my friend u r having dat prowess in ur words……

  6. Zabadast..i realy like it.the selection of the word and idea behind it is realy good.
    i think you should u keep on writing . it seems that u are impressed by umera ahmad….
    nice blog too…

    • Awww:) Thank you so much for your comments:)

      Err.. Yeah I actually really like the way she leaves an impact on one’s thoughts:)

  7. […] Azaab-e-Sha'oor.. « Opening Hira's Life.. […]

  8. ‘Nice’ is most I say.
    Thinking brains discover the realism of existence with eon.

    • Truly said :)

      And welcome to my blog :) Wonder what’s your blog link.

      Thank you for your valuable comment.

  9. Hmm. Is it true? :-)

    • Yeah :) Cent percent true. It was more of a catharsis.

  10. Wow, you sure knows how to write :-D Beautiful choice of words N wonderfully written – God bless :-)

  11. MasahAllah! :) I’m very much impressed, Hira. MasahAllah your approach towards life is quite different from ordinary girls that probably makes you extraordinary. Thumbs up! :)

    • Sigh. =) You’re mistake. It doesn’t make me ‘extra-ordinary’ but even LESS than ordinary.

  12. “Khaliq-o-Baari Ta’alaa ne iss rait ke bezarar-o-be’wuquat zarray ko phir ‘gard‘ se alehda kar diya tha.. Aur wo iss per jitna shukar adda karti, kam tha:)”

    Not everyone can reach to the level of contentment veiled in this particular sentiment. I’m bit surprised, you explored it at such a young age of 16. MasahAllah! :)

    • I’m overwhelmed =)

      But at that time, I used to be in constant fight with myself and it certainly was NOT indication of real ‘contentment’ =) Aur jahan tak uss hawale ki baat hai, lolz, I actually KNOW myself na. I had read a quote once that ‘People praise you for what they suppose is in you, but you must blame your soul for what you know is in you’. And I don’t just blame, I know myself well enough to end up hating myself. And the ONLY proper thing in my life is Allah’s love and mercy for me. So lolz =)

  13. I feel this constant fight with one’s own-self is one of the major reasons that brings one closer to Almighty! :)
    Ahan, the quote is catchy. You know, Hira, the feeling of being “low” than people’s “perception” about you, itself is a factor that wins the pleasure of Almighty… Insan ka ahsas-e-sharmindage he ho na Dil ma tou wo Rehman Zat bekhsh daitee hai…! :)

  14. I always say, you cant assimilate the love of your single mother, what about the One Who loves you more than 70 mothers do! Unfathomable! Immeasurable!

  15. Hira its like you somehow quite resemble me so much..I can’t resist your blog…I am so much in search to find a single one on this earth like me..like no one else..in my own realm so alone yet exubherant to discover those like me,,out of the world….viewing all at a distance….stupid (in worldly definitions)and ready to let everything be at stake….


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