Deciding turn…

In this stillness born, here I get engaged with my endeavor to gather my energies to get back to some personal note. I fear to be not succeeded in reviving my ‘bonga pan’ :) But I can atleast strive to share…

I was asked to discuss my activities these days. Something which I’ve trying to do so in past two months. Helpless though I stood in matter of sharing. I assume that it would be a bit early to conclude about the ‘impact’ of past two months on my life. And I would rather prefer to discuss the influence they left on my life, when I’ll be able to turn the pages of my life. Not only many relations entered my life in this little spam, but also revival of many realizations and tasks took place.
Kurnell
On top of all significant happening lies the sensation of passion I sensed yet again during this previous spam. Passion indeed is an energy. And in past some time, I not only felt the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. The strength which nourishes you inside even if your health or routine doesn’t allow you to do so. And my passion is revived by my entry in Tamasha. First event which will be conducted by a society called “Jaago”.

I’ve written introductions of Tamasha at various places, explained it in front of many people. But now when I am supposed to describe its imprint on my life, then I’m speechless. I really am.
I entered Tamasha team as an event head of essay competition. I was last person to enter it. From most junior batch lol:) Unforgettable meeting that was with Haidar Bhaiyya :) He took sort of an interview of mine to see whether I complement with Tamasha‘s theme or not :P And on entering it, when the fire of passion started revolving around my life, then I just couldn’t hold myself back. From my daily conversations with fellows/friends to documentation of whole event, from my calls to companies to meetings with other members, everything in my life seemed to be in realms of Tamasha.
But when website was launched, I was mentioned there as Director of all events. It was as surprising for me as anything could be. Since I didn’t consider myself appropriate for it. But just being under this ‘tag’ made me unravel much more in this journey. Which I’d be sharing some time later :)

Anyhow, here’s final version of our website : Tamasha-Jaagoo. If life, time and situations would permit me, then I’ll be sharing many things related to our whole event :) And since I’ve not given any proper introduction of it, so you can read introductions in ‘About’ section in this website:P
lonely_by_serhatdemiroglu

Back to where I was. In past some days relation of ‘mother’ has been very significant in my life. Be it in form of comforting shade under the lap of Mama or in emotional boasts-ups and warm shoulder of Dedi :) Words will NEVER be enough to describe the worth possessed by presence of both of you :)

The clock is ticking last moments of this day. This reminds me of last night :O Has anyone of you ever sensed the ecstasy of being in ‘rainy’ full moon night ? I sensed it last night for the third time *innocent smiley* And just being under the clouded-full moon and shower of nature makes me mad… mad enough to get new energies induced in me :)

Full_Moon_by_Feri_kun

Time is passing gradually. The awareness of passage of each and every moment brought by ticking of clock is throwing me in desert of reminiscences. A movie that begins to sway in front of curtains of my vision. Special days remain special, no matter WHAT! Each and every second is grabbing me to moments of last year. Same time, same place, but ‘opposite’ situations; different dreams, different emotions. And most significantly, different me :) It seems strange to suffer the elevation of life on scale of 180 degrees. How many of you have suffered it?:)
Tomorrow’s day would perhaps be no different to many of you. But for me, it perhaps will be. For I’ll spend moments of 7th Aug,2008 BUT by ‘living’ in 7th Aug,2009.

Fire cracks in the street bring me back to 2009 and am reminded of Shab-e-Baraat. A night of decisions. And once again, am amazed at ‘synchronization’. It always happens in my life. The moments which once made me stand on deciding edge have tonight brought everyone in field. Every fate would be decided by the Fate-Writer. And am stuck in amalgam of my thoughts. I was fully prepared for my ‘deciding turn’, yet my life handled by my Creator took me to the other ‘unexpected’ turn. How many of you are prepared to be on ‘deciding turn’ tonight?!:)

Errr.. Special thanks to BMK for pushing me to share my routine and daily life activities at Bongi Khana.

Eternal Quest..

They say that the eternal quest of the individual human being is to shatter his loneliness, But then what pinches me the most is a question that what loneliness actually is? Is it actually a terror? Or a source of making someone vulnerable? Is it a medium for invoking creativity? Or just a deep yearning… a powerful one for union with one’s lost self? Are dying hopes really immortal fears?!

n1107183320_30475874_6237785

Keeping my experiences in mind, there’s no doubt in this fact that what makes loneliness an anguish is not that one has no one to share his burden, but this that he has ONLY his own burden to bear. And what if he’s even ‘told’ about being burden for others as well :) What feelings can that realization induce? Lolz. :)

It’s said that the end comes when we no longer talk with ourselves. It is the end of genuine thinking and the beginning of the final loneliness. The remarkable and most amazing thing is that the cessation of the inner dialogue marks also the end of our concern with the world around us. It is as if we noted the world and think about it only when we have to report it to ourselves lol. Perhaps my end has begin to come. Nevermind.

Lonely_soul_by_WiciaQ

Anyhow, back to our ‘eternal quest’… Indeed the longest journey of any person is the journey inward. For the one who has chosen his destiny, he has started upon his quest for the source of his being. Our demons are, somehow, our very own limitations which shut us off from the realization of the ubiquity of the spirit… and it’s believed that EACH of these demons is conquered in a vision quest.

Most people have come to prefer certain of life’s experiences and deny and reject others, unaware of the value of the hidden things that may come wrapped in plain and even ugly paper. In avoiding all pain and seeking comfort at all costs, we may be left without intimacy or compassion; in rejecting change and risk we often cheat ourselves of the quest; in denying our suffering we may never know our strength or our greatness. -Rachel Naomi Remen

So, where does your quest revolve? What’s the centre point of YOUR eternal quest? :)

PS: If anyone has got answers of all or even some questions mentioned in my post, then it’s a kind request that do honour me by sharing your answers along with views.