Deciding turn…

In this stillness born, here I get engaged with my endeavor to gather my energies to get back to some personal note. I fear to be not succeeded in reviving my ‘bonga pan’ :) But I can atleast strive to share…

I was asked to discuss my activities these days. Something which I’ve trying to do so in past two months. Helpless though I stood in matter of sharing. I assume that it would be a bit early to conclude about the ‘impact’ of past two months on my life. And I would rather prefer to discuss the influence they left on my life, when I’ll be able to turn the pages of my life. Not only many relations entered my life in this little spam, but also revival of many realizations and tasks took place.
Kurnell
On top of all significant happening lies the sensation of passion I sensed yet again during this previous spam. Passion indeed is an energy. And in past some time, I not only felt the power that comes from focusing on what excites you. The strength which nourishes you inside even if your health or routine doesn’t allow you to do so. And my passion is revived by my entry in Tamasha. First event which will be conducted by a society called “Jaago”.

I’ve written introductions of Tamasha at various places, explained it in front of many people. But now when I am supposed to describe its imprint on my life, then I’m speechless. I really am.
I entered Tamasha team as an event head of essay competition. I was last person to enter it. From most junior batch lol:) Unforgettable meeting that was with Haidar Bhaiyya :) He took sort of an interview of mine to see whether I complement with Tamasha‘s theme or not :P And on entering it, when the fire of passion started revolving around my life, then I just couldn’t hold myself back. From my daily conversations with fellows/friends to documentation of whole event, from my calls to companies to meetings with other members, everything in my life seemed to be in realms of Tamasha.
But when website was launched, I was mentioned there as Director of all events. It was as surprising for me as anything could be. Since I didn’t consider myself appropriate for it. But just being under this ‘tag’ made me unravel much more in this journey. Which I’d be sharing some time later :)

Anyhow, here’s final version of our website : Tamasha-Jaagoo. If life, time and situations would permit me, then I’ll be sharing many things related to our whole event :) And since I’ve not given any proper introduction of it, so you can read introductions in ‘About’ section in this website:P
lonely_by_serhatdemiroglu

Back to where I was. In past some days relation of ‘mother’ has been very significant in my life. Be it in form of comforting shade under the lap of Mama or in emotional boasts-ups and warm shoulder of Dedi :) Words will NEVER be enough to describe the worth possessed by presence of both of you :)

The clock is ticking last moments of this day. This reminds me of last night :O Has anyone of you ever sensed the ecstasy of being in ‘rainy’ full moon night ? I sensed it last night for the third time *innocent smiley* And just being under the clouded-full moon and shower of nature makes me mad… mad enough to get new energies induced in me :)

Full_Moon_by_Feri_kun

Time is passing gradually. The awareness of passage of each and every moment brought by ticking of clock is throwing me in desert of reminiscences. A movie that begins to sway in front of curtains of my vision. Special days remain special, no matter WHAT! Each and every second is grabbing me to moments of last year. Same time, same place, but ‘opposite’ situations; different dreams, different emotions. And most significantly, different me :) It seems strange to suffer the elevation of life on scale of 180 degrees. How many of you have suffered it?:)
Tomorrow’s day would perhaps be no different to many of you. But for me, it perhaps will be. For I’ll spend moments of 7th Aug,2008 BUT by ‘living’ in 7th Aug,2009.

Fire cracks in the street bring me back to 2009 and am reminded of Shab-e-Baraat. A night of decisions. And once again, am amazed at ‘synchronization’. It always happens in my life. The moments which once made me stand on deciding edge have tonight brought everyone in field. Every fate would be decided by the Fate-Writer. And am stuck in amalgam of my thoughts. I was fully prepared for my ‘deciding turn’, yet my life handled by my Creator took me to the other ‘unexpected’ turn. How many of you are prepared to be on ‘deciding turn’ tonight?!:)

Errr.. Special thanks to BMK for pushing me to share my routine and daily life activities at Bongi Khana.

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23 Comments

  1. Very well writen.
    Tamasha is a beautiful society. I am browsing it.
    Our memories always remind us of past but nothing to come back, no compensation for the mistakes ecept forgivness that was an oppurtunity that we may or may not have availed in the last night, the night of descisions.

    • Tamasha isn’t a society. ‘Jaagoo’ is the society and Tamasha is first ‘event’ conducted by Jaagoo!:)

      Ermmm:)) JazakAllah for your words. :)

  2. Oh, I’ve suffered the elevation alright, by a worse degree. Yep! (in a good way, of course). My night was weird, after I was done with my ibaadat, I was overcome by this weird sensation.. somewhat like an anxiety or the likes. And, I felt sad. For some reason, in the dead of the night, after having conversated with God, I felt sad. Sigh.
    I’m all good now though, alhumdulillah. :)
    I have a very strong faith, alhumdulillah, and I am always believing in something or the other, someone or another, this me and that me, haha seldom does anything (or well my fate/destiny) surprise me. I somehow always see it coming, the good and the bad (which is always the good waise bhi, heh!) Alhumdulillah.

    OMG! The society and the first event and the brilliant set of minds comprised of it all sound amazing =D, and yes a fresh breath of air. Though the word has a negative ring to it, and well if you guys are set out to give it a good feel, less chances you’d succeed, some words are just that tough to tame. ;P Referring to “Tamasha” i.e. :)
    I know the high, the passion, and place in life you’re talking about — can, in a vague way, relate to it as well. Hahaha rise higher than you esteemed to, grab a handful of stars and glitter-shine the world with your words. Inshallah. :-*

  3. As for the “rainy full moon night” deal, it rained in the morning on my end. :(
    Heh, nah it was yum! I had just got up from sleep, so didn’t have it in me to stand or well dance around in the run, so I just sat and let it soak in and tickle my bones. =D

  4. *rain.

    (ahemz)

  5. =)
    brilliant….
    same old story from my side….(i have no words=$)

  6. “Bonga Pan” ohh….dats a cute word hmm…..

  7. Shoory, i forget it

  8. Ooh, director of events, eh? Awesomeness, congrats! :D

  9. Collaborative combination of words. I mean very nice. :P Loved your Jaagoo.org site. Its beautiful, sleek,decent , but what i experienced , a little bit heavy. Nice effort of you all. . And very good to listen that you are leading all events

  10. iu dunno if i m ready or will ever be.
    i just need a legal relationship and that isnt in sight for now.
    really!

  11. Wow… I’m glad you finally penned it all down…
    Appreciative effort regarding Tamasha n.n
    And, well, the pleasure of getting wetting in rain… swinging… that’s inexplicable for me ^^ Nevertheless, full moon in rain appears quite fascinating, too (:

  12. Very well written, I must say :)

    Keep writing.

  13. :)

  14. wishing you a great success for the event…”Tamasha”

  15. keep goin, lady :)

  16. Thanks to call it a day & put the hibernation (from blog) to an end. Very glad to know about strengthening invaluable ties with mom & … Pretty well composed entry, I must say… any progress w.r.t TAMASHA event. am waiting for the big day now.

    You may also want to resolve the mystery of Aug. 07, 2008.

  17. Hmmm, I went through your Tamasha website and your facebook page for the same, and I found the whole thing very interesting. It seems to be a more refined and better organized version of the student societies that are present in Universities. I would be interested to know about the outcome of this event. Keep us posted!

    Master Shifu ~_~

  18. I think, in past a week, I have read this post 9 times or maybe more than this and each time, a statement written by you made me to stop my reading right there and start it all over again. I expect you to get what I am referring to yet I am sure that your intelligence won’t give you tough time to grab my point.:)

    This year, 2009, is my revolution year, which means moving and shaking the world with every step, and not holding back. I got to answer myself with a whole lot of questions that someone deep inside me had been asking for. I got to bear a lot in past 8 months and you are witness and answerer of my many queries. Eventually or maybe ultimately, I kept on gathering all of my answers yet one thought is left to be answered and I know, till my last breath, I won’t be able to get it resolved. The thought now perturbs me to the extent that whenever I get to read the lines written above by you and wherever I unintentionally recall them, I feel myself swamped in the oceans of embarrassment. No, Zainia, there you are wrong. I didn’t do anything for you till now. Not even a bit what your mother has been doing and does to keep you secured and loved all the time. I haven’t done anything to be equated with her at any extent neither would I ever be able to. To tell you honestly, in your building up to this stage, I have not played any part anywhere. The relation between us is just. . .Unexplainable. I don’t know. And after a long time it happened that I don’t know anything. . Whenever and wherever, indirectly or directly, unintentionally or intentionally, you call me like your mother, I feel like a strange embarrassment, Gudya. Mothers are not like me. They don’t live this much far from their daughters. They care, love, secure and support them all the time like a shadow of their own and, no-one, I repeat no-one could get this right to own these words from you except her. She, who gave you birth, trained you in the way you are today and under whose shadow, you stand with the heaps of confidence. You access her when you get into pain, you make her a call when you get late and moreover, she is the one who herself would put a tons of stones on her heart whilst sending you off with someone lucky after few years.:) She is the one who possesses right of being called the ‘Mother of Hira Zainab’ and none of the women can dare equating her. People like me can’t ever win the titles like this, Zaini. They can only dream of getting the chance of parenting the daughters like you someday. . Somewhere. . and most of the times, our dreams get traumatized when someone from this world throw stone at the glass forts made by us. Maybe few realities are harsh to the limits that even a glimpse of their realization makes us to get the wet eyes. Like mine. . At the moment.

    I don’t think it is possible that I could love you any more than I do. You are a significant and dominant part of my life and I know that these few words can’t even begin to cover what is in my soul for you. If you say that I have done something for you then maybe, that’s what I could gather that despite of being too far from you, I have always wanted you to have choices. I wanted you to be able to be yourself in the world without dumbing down, settling for less or being afraid speak your mind. Yeah, I will confess it today that I once tried to be a role-model for you, but I have to admit that sometimes I talked a good game without playing it particularly well. The longest span of quietness in between us did the rest of the job leaving nothing behind. And now, the time that passed has made me to hesitant to call myself ‘your’ mother. No, not at all. I don’t deserve it, Zaini. Maybe, thats why I don’t deserve it.

    Umm . . And on lighter note, being your Dedi, I can tell what you are all about all the days and specially when you talk to me.:) You say words such as ‘Koi haal nahin hai aap ka, Dedi’, ‘Haad ho gai hai’, ‘Ke bas aap ki soch hai’, ‘I was all shocked’, and ‘like’ too often.:) You own a pile of books in your room, course and out of course mixed up. You receive 40 emails on daily basis, a dozen of missed calls and your cellular’s text memory is always full.:) You are not in love with your writings and you roll your eyes at me a lot, a whole lot, when I don’t take regular meals and especially when I say, ‘Zaini, mera khana khanay ka dil nahin chah raha’.:P I love you for shouting at me then, doing chit’n chat that you call at the end ‘Dedi, main bohat badtameez ho gai hoon na?’, my pulling your leg for just to listen to you in annoyance again, making you to giggle after a little chunk of anger is always lovely and then, listening to ‘Jee nahin, Dedi! Ham YEH baat nahin kar rahay thay, achha!’.:) Who says that you are not easy to understand?:) Who says that person like you is ‘too matured’ to be in relation with?:) And moreover, who said that you were too immature?:) Ask me and I will answer all of them respectively. People here may take me as an artificial person who is acknowledged in each of your writing entitled as ‘My Dedi’ but guys; trust me that I am not artificial and synthetic in her case atleast. I love her as much as you people do and I am scared to loose her as you people are.

    I guess, I have been pretty irrelevant at your blog and said a lot of things that needed not to be mentioned here. Unlike of my promise of not getting personal anywhere, I wrote a lot of contradictory things that apparently and certainly seem very superfluous but it is all just extempore. Will talk about Tamasha so soon, Zaina.

    Love, a ton~

    Me.

  19. Ramdan Mubarak Hira and a nice post here. I have read it twice or thrice but I dont have any comments… :)

  20. Hi Hira,
    Lately I have been reading your blog and I am a fan of your writing. You have inspired me to try to add some beauty in my writing (though it is very difficult for me).
    I am adding you to my blogroll.(if that bothers you please let me know)
    Regards,
    Saquib

    • Err. Well :S I don’t know what to say.

      But first and foremost of all, my writings NEVER intend to make ‘fans’ :S Fan is perhaps way too heavy word for me to digest. :) I don’t want my readers to be ‘fans’ but to sit back in their lonely times and give the ‘purpose behind article’ a thought and consideration.So that they also become students of life the way I am. (or atleast i try to be). So ermm, just a request to ‘consider’ the ‘reason’ behind writing not what ‘IS’ written. :)

      I hope you’ll get my point. JazakAllah for all your appreciation and concern. Though i don’t think i deserve it, but still it means a LOT :)

      I wonder what’s the link to your blog. Since I’m unable to see it. Do lemme know :)

      Looking forward to be in contact through world of ‘writings’.

      Bless thee.


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