Writing has never been as difficult as it has been in past year. It is easier to be silent than to travel a journey which can bring hidden painful moments at each step of the way. It’s been long since I expressed myself through writing… longer since I used writing for my catharsis. Sometimes I feel so different to what I once used to be… as if I am a new person living in old me. One thing I have clearly learned in life is that, ‘Things change‘. Change is only thing that is constant in life… We cannot resist the change. The more we try to resist it, the more it will end up causing frustration. Only point which seems to matter is that, ‘Is the change good or bad?’ But how to determine that? Why do we end up persecuting ourselves with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Life is not about white and black always… grey does exist! Some things are categorized as black and some things are categorized as white. But most things in the world aren’t either. The interesting thing about grey parts, however, is that proportion of ‘white’ and ‘black’ in grey depends on no one except us. But how to determine the boundaries of ‘white’ and ‘black’ in grey? That’s a mystery!
Every moment in our lives brings a change within us… sometimes it’s subtle and sometimes it’s evident. Everything we do, changes us. Everything we change ends up changing us. The only lasting truth of our actions in life is ‘change’. Dealing with a change within us is an important phase of journey in itself. What it requires, dear friends, is transformation from ‘denial’ to ‘acceptance’, strength to face the deep inner fears, and energy to reveal the altered self.
“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
Some changes look negative on the surface but you will soon realize that empty space is being created in your life for something new to emerge. Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like. Let you be clear in only one thing: your choices!
So, ‘you must not be frightened if a sadness rises up before you larger than any you have ever seen; if a restiveness, like light and cloud-shadows, passes over your hands and over all you do’. Don’t be afraid if a feeling confronts you weird-er than ever before, casting its shadow over all you do. You must think that something is happening with you, that life has not forgotten you, that it holds you in its hand; it will not let you fall. Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any miseries, or any depressions? For after all, you do not know what work these conditions are doing inside you, right?
Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves. Look for the answers but do not stop moving ahead in your journey for them. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present, you need to live the question. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.
Keep growing quietly and seriously throughout your whole development; you cannot disturb it more rudely than by looking outward and expecting from outside replies to questions that ONLY your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer.
Be loyal to yourselves. To be loyal to yourself is to allow yourself to grow and change, and challenge who you are and what you think. The only thing you are for sure is unsure, and this means you are growing, and not stagnant or shrinking.
Oh and last but by no means least, don’t be afraid of your fears. They’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it. :)
Today, I am accepting the changes I have gone through within. Today, I am writing to give myself strength. Today, I am writing to be the characters that I am not. Today, I am writing to explore all the things I’m afraid of. Are you willing to do the same?
Special thanks to:
- All precious readers who have been still visiting the blog and giving valuable feedback.
- A special random unknown reader who recognized me in a crowd after a glimpse of second, and made me realize how written words can still help souls to get connected even when we face lack of connection with ourselves. Thank you, wherever you are. I may not be able to meet you again but your comments and overwhelming feedback ended up constituting one of most memorable and cherishing moments of my life.
- A cherished friend in a mentor who has been pushing me to write even when I forgot to write. :) Your presence is priceless.
- Dedi, for making me realize that my readers ‘own’ my words. I shall soon be sharing poems I wrote in the lost time. :)